Warning: Slaying of spiritual and seasonal platitudes ahead…
Stop caring so much about others.
Really.
Stop.
I know, I know. “Give unto others” and “’Tis the season of giving”. We were raised on the mandate to put others first, so of course you don’t think of yourself first. Or second, or are you even on the list? You make sure you anticipated every need and wish of everyone else, and more.
But you see, this is wrong. You think your concern for others, helping them, serving them, caring for and about them is your calling. Your family, children, friends, your clients and colleagues, you care soooo much. You would do anything for them. It is your reason for being. Your purpose in life. To make life better for others. You love people.
So you take on the pain of the world. You worry and feel guilty when you can’t do enough. It is part of being a goodhearted, kind and spiritual person, right?
Wrong!
Your Purpose, Reason for Being, Calling, is to live your life in joy and wild abandon.
Everything will sort itself from here.
Think about it.
Are you overly tired? You are giving too much.
Are you resentful? You are thinking more about someone else and dismissing yourself.
Are you indecisive to the point of stagnation? You are looking for proof outside of yourself, abdicating authority and not trusting yourself.
Are you overwhelmed? You are taking on more than your share of responsibility.
You think putting others first will lead to bliss, into a life with meaning.
It wont. Not if you are ignoring your own precious life bliss.
When was the last time you rolled on the floor laughing with tears streaming from you eyes?
So happy you caught yourself smiling with out reason?
Overflowed with inspiration?
Danced with out a thought as to how you looked?
Felt so good in your skin the number on the scale was irrelevant?
Allowed unexpected beauty to stop you in your tracks?
Looked in the mirror and was seduced by your own eyes?
Treated yourself with extravagance that feeds your deepest soul?
If it has been more than 24 hours since having a moment of full bodied delight, you are exhausting yourself and calling it being a caring and responsible person.
Forget everyone else and feed your own thirsty, craving, wild, heart.
Fill her. Tend to her with fierce devotion and focus. Only when she is filled will your caring for others be your true expression, not a road to your own depletion. Only then will the extraneous melt away leaving your true life meaning.
Your caring will then be sourced in abundance and bounty, not duty. Or worse, a strategy to avoid being in your own life.
I can hear the challenges already. “This is selfish.” “This is the worst kind of self indulgence.” “I can’t just stop taking care of people.” “I’d be an awful person.” “People depend on me.” You know what? I don’t care what you think putting yourself first means (see how that works).
Do it anyway. As the rule rather than the occasional exception.
Give yourself a good time. And then do for others. Or most heretical, choose not to. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first, not in order to put it on someone else, but because You deserve to breathe.
I see women all the time, worn out at the deepest level because for years and decades they have over given and think it caring and loving. Because they haven’t been taught to balance their own care and joy with that of others. Because they buy the story it is selfish to think of themselves, or that they don’t have time, or that they have to earn it through good deeds.
All lies.
I challenge you to give yourself bliss!
I mean full bodied, consuming elation, happiness, jubilation, once a day, at least once a day, for one week. Then tell me putting your own pleasure first doesn’t change everything! Doesn’t change the whole landscape of what caring truly means, what it feels like and how it works. Caring for self/caring for others has a divine reciprocity that builds momentum, not depletion. But it only works when you start full.
I’ve been down the road of depletion to the point of life collapse because I gave more out than I allowed in.
I can tell you the path of pleasure is much more fruitful in every way than giving out of habit, expectation, or fear you wont be enough.
Pleasure through self caring and honoring is the most sustainable and renewing way to source the true loving generosity of your heart.
How do you get this state of self caring, find your path of pleasure?
I say start with Wonder. I happen to have a whole course about it starting January 13. 3 weeks of e-mail joy to connect you to your wild, wonderful self. I’d love for you to join me. Come see the details and register here.